The Daily Jerk

Staking your claim on the web

by on Jun.28, 2010, under CABBAGE, CUNTS, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, MOTHERFUCKER, SHUT UP, STOP IT, STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE, VIN FUCKING DIESEL

Identities should be restricted to one person. I can see the point of one person having multiple identities on the web, but I can’t see why multiple people would want to share an identity. I hate it when I’m trying to stalk find someone online, and I instead find six other people using the same fucking user name.

I use the name “hugejerk” in many places, and so far I am the only one using that name that I’ve come across. This is how it should be. I found a name, staked it out, and EVERY OTHER CUNT ON THE INTERNET CAN FUCK OFF. I have other user names which, however unique they were when I started using them, are now used by other STUPID FUCKING SHIT MUNCHERS who are dirtying up MY GOOD FUCKING NAME with “bebo” accounts, and FUCKING RETARDED QUESTIONS ON FORUMS.  Added with their INABILITY TO STAY IN THE ONE FUCKING SPOT ON THE WEB FOR MORE THAN FIVE FUCKING SECONDS, I have my own personal brand CORRODED BY FUCKING HUNDREDS OF STUPID FUCKING SEARCH RESULTS. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS TO GOOGLE FOR MYSELF WHEN SOME STUPID KID IS DILUTING MY FUCKING NAME WITH PUERILE FUCKING QUESTIONS ON “AVENGED CUNTFOLD” MESSAGE BOARDS? HOW THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT ME IF HALF THE RESULTS ARE NO LONGER ME?

The problem is only worsened when we get to other people. Some useless CUNT BEAST adds me on some chat program or other, because their FUCKING SHIT-CUNT FRIEND started using the same name as me, just with a different fucking suffix. THEN THEY THINK I’M FUCKING LYING WHEN I TELL THEM THAT I DON’T KNOW WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE. THEY FUCKING ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT WHO I AM, AND THEN WHEN I TELL THEM, THEY THINK I’M JUST PLAYING A HUGE FUCKING JOKE. That’s when I usually say “Lol! u got me! hay look at my pic” and send them to goatse, or lemonparty. This usually gets them off my back.

Sometimes, though, I decide that I want to know who this FUCKING IMMATURE CUNT who is talking to me ACTUALLY FUCKING IS, just to prove to them that the Internet isn’t as fucking safe as they think. It usually takes about five minutes with google to find all the stupid sites where they signed up. Facebook usually drops the “finding out who they are” task to about five seconds now (thank fuck for bad privacy settings and everyone on the Internet thinking “WHO WOULD WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ME LOL”). But still, I run into the SAME FUCKING NAME DILUTION PROBLEM.

Some people would claim that this is security through obscurity, but personally I think that it’s MORE FUCKING PROOF THAT PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT SHOULD BE FUCKING LINED UP, SHOT IN THE LEGS, AND THEN FED TO SOME VERY HUNGRY, AND VERY ANGRY MEAT ANTS. It doesn’t prove that you are safe from predators, it shows that THERE ARE EVEN MORE PEOPLE JUST AS FUCKING STUPID AS YOU ARE, YOU USELESS, FUCKING OXYGEN THIEVING, HERPES RIDDEN, WANKING, TODGER-BREATHED, WASTE OF DNA, MAGGOTY CUNT. EVEN WORSE, THEY ARE ALSO USING THE SAME FUCKING USER NAME AS YOU, SO YOU CAN’T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW FUCKING USELESS YOU ARE.

JUST ASSUME THAT EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE IS YOU, THAT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE ALIVE, AND BURN DOWN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE TO MAKE SOME SPACE FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN GRASP THE BASIC CONCEPT OF “RATIONAL FUCKING THOUGHT”. I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THAT IF YOU CAN’T GRASP SIMPLE THINGS LIKE THAT, YOU SHOULD BE GIVEN THE SAME FUCKING OPPORTUNITIES AS EVERYONE ELSE. IT’S INEFFICIENT WASTAGE. THE ONE FUCKING PRODUCTIVE THING YOU COULD DO FOR THE WORLD IS TO CHAIN YOURSELF INTO YOUR CAR AND DRIVE OFF A CLIFF.

People may think that this is harsh, but that is because THOSE PEOPLE KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT THEY ARE ONLY ONE FUCKING RETARDED POST AWAY FROM BEING ASSIGNED THE SAME FUCKING FATE.

I feel that if someone has used your user name anywhere else on the net, you have total rights to set fire to their stupid fucking face, just for making you look bad. If they make you look better, however, then you still have first dibs on the name, but you must be pretty fucking retarded, so I don’t think anyone will care that much if you get killed off.

In other news, did you know that drinking large quantities of battery acid helps you to lose weight? You should do it, and stop bothering me any more.

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