The Daily Jerk

Your questions are burning (A HOLE IN MY FUCKING SKULL WITH THEIR STUPIDITY)

by on Jun.14, 2010, under CUNTS, FABULOUS PRIZES!, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, HAHAHAHA YORE, HEY YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT, MAGNETS - HOW THE FUCK DO THEY WORK, MOTHERFUCKER, SHUT UP, STOP IT, STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE, VIN FUCKING DIESEL

So yesterday (conveniently a weekend) marked a month since my first post on this site. A few days ago, I asked people to ask me things. These are some of the questions that I received, and as a bonus, some answers to them.

Q: Have you ever wondered why a turtle has a neck?
A: No. I know why turtles have necks. It’s so stupid fucking middle-class white people can pretend to have something in common with poor black people (who make up for their lack of monetary wealth with a boon of musical talent). They function only as foreskins for cunts with no sense of fashion.

Q: Why are you such a (insert MAGGOT-TITS GOVERNMENT MARTHA STEWART here) SHAGPILE MAGGOT-TITS?
A: I have trained VERY LONG and VERY FUCKING HARD to develop tit-maggots. Now you SWAN THE FUCK IN HERE and pretend like IT’S A FUCKING BAD THING, YOU CUNT. IF I WANT TO GET A GOVERNMENTAL ORDER TO INFECT MARTHA STEWART’S TITS WITH MAGGOTS, THEN I HAD BEST HAVE SOME TIT MAGGOTS FUCKING READY AT HAND. I will, however take your suggestion for a shagpile tit-maggot delivery method under consideration.

Q: Why do I always smell bacon?
A: Because you are a giant, disgusting, fucking HAM BEAST. You probably have half a side of pork shoved in your cunt, just in case you need it for emergencies. YOU MAKE ME SICK.

Q: Stupid people – how do they live?
A: In cars, apparently. They fucking wouldn’t if I had anything to do with it. Take the warning labels off everything, and let the problem sort itself out. By shooting everyone who complains about there no longer being any warning labels or instructions. Actually, taking the instructions off things wouldn’t make any difference because the STUPID FUCKHEADS WHO INHABIT THIS CUNTING PLANET NEVER READ THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS ON ANYTHING ANYWAY.

So that’s it for now. If you want to ask questions, there’s still the following ways:

Now fuck off.

Share: Share this on del.icio.us Digg this! Email this Share this on Facebook Share this on LinkedIn Send this page to Print Friendly Share this on Reddit Share it on StumbleUpon Tweet This!
No comments for this entry yet...

Leave a Reply

Looking for something?

Use the form below to search the site:

Still not finding what you're looking for? Drop a comment on a post or contact us so we can take care of it!

Archives

All entries, chronologically...