The Daily Jerk

Archive for July 14th, 2010

Rewarding the useless for accidentally being less so.

by on Jul.14, 2010, under CABBAGE, CUNTS, evil-nazi-eco-libro-fascists, FABULOUS PRIZES!, Fish are ANGRY at the world, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, FUCKING RIOTS?!, Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?, HEY YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT, SHUT UP, Spill, STOP IT, STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE, TRUTH

We are living in a brave new world! Apparently the thing being called “The biggest environmental disaster of our century” (which personally I think of as both very optimistic, and a brilliant challenge) has been stopped, with BP capping the well! Let us all sing their praises and shower them with consumerism, to reward them for doing for taking several months to fix a problem that should never have happened in the first place! AREN’T THEY JUST THE BEST?

While we’re at it, we should meet our carbon reduction targets by letting everyone carry on business as usual, and only rewarding (by way of tax cuts) those businesses who actually try to do anything. THIS IS A PREFECT IDEA WHICH CANNOT HELP BUT SUCCEED. WHY WE’LL MAKE THOSE BUSINESSES SO KEEN FOR TAX CUTS THAT THEY’LL BE FIGHTING AMONGST THEMSELVES TO BE THE MOST “GREEN”! THIS PLAN IS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FLAWLESS!

Apparently some people don’t understand when I’m being sarcastic, so this is especially for you, cosmicharade (and others).

I WAS BEING FUCKING SARCASTIC YOU USELESS, MOUTH BREATHING, HAM BEASTS! I DO THAT HERE. THAT’S PRETTY MUCH WHAT THIS SITE IS FOR. SORRY TO TEAR DOWN THE FOURTH FUCKING WALL HERE, BUT SERIOUSLY ARE YOU CUNTS THAT FUCKING STUPID?

So applauding BP is fucking retarded. They fucked up, failed to fix it for THREE FUCKING MONTHS, and now that the EVENTUALLY HAVE, they are some kind of fucking heroes? YOU BEST BE FUCKING KIDDING ME, YOU CUNTS. IF SOMEONE SHOT YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE WITH A CROSSBOW THEN DECIDED TO SPEND THREE MONTHS “EXPERIMENTING” ON DIFFERENT WAYS OF HOW TO GET THE ARROW OUT, WHEN THEY FINALLY DID YOU STILL WOULDN’T BE FUCKING THANKING THEM. YOU ARE FORGETTING THE PART WHERE THEY SHOT YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE, AND COMPLETELY IGNORING THE THREE MONTHS OF DICKING THE FUCK AROUND. FOCUSING ON THE FACT THAT THEY EVENTUALLY FIXED IT DOES NOT NEGATE ALL THE FUCKING DAMAGE DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE, AND YOU ARE FUCKING RETARDED IF YOU THINK THAT IT DOES.

Rewarding people for doing what they’re meant to do is fine, IF THEY DO IT RIGHT, AND IN A TIMELY FUCKING MANNER. If the person shooting you with a crossbow did it accidentally, and immediately called an ambulance to have the arrow extracted properly, that might be forgivable. If they do it without laughing at the fact that you have a fucking arrow in your face, then you might even call their quick action commendable. If they insisted on doing it themselves, and fucking around with it in the process, THEN THEY SHOULDN’T BE REWARDED FOR FUCKING WELL EVENTUALLY GETTING IT RIGHT.

The same goes for the fucking business leaders who think that JUST BECAUSE there is a new prime minister, that you should be FUCKING REWARDED for doing the bare minimum, and left alone if you don’t fucking well do that. Here’s a carbon reduction policy for you:

Subsidise businesses in their attempts to use cleaner, renewable energy, and better, more efficient processes. Do this so that they aren’t put out of business trying to get up to spec. Pay for it by TAXING THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF ANY BUSINESS WHO DOESN’T MAKE A CHANGE FOR THE FUCKING BETTER. Don’t give breaks to big polluters because they’re nice guys, TAX THE LIVING FUCK OUT OF THEM UNTIL THEY FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE MORE FUCKING EFFICIENT.

If a company really doesn’t care enough to change and contribute, THEN THEY’LL PROBABLY DIE IN A PIT OF UNPAID TAX. Of course, this will affect employment, but I’ve got that covered, too. HIRE MORE PEOPLE WORKING LESS HOURS, WHICH WILL BE SUSTAINABLE DUE TO THE SAVINGS MADE ON THE NEW FOUND EFFICIENT PROCESSES. YOU COUPLE PROBABLY AFFORD TO PAY EVERYONE MORE, TOO. IT’S NOT FUCKING ROCKET SCIENCE. IT’S ECONOMICS. I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ECONOMICS, AND I’VE ALREADY COME UP WITH SOLUTIONS. IF I CAN DO IT, SURELY SOMEONE WHO’S JOB IT IS COULD FUCKING DO IT, AND I’LL BET THEY WANT A FUCKING PAT ON THE HEAD FOR DOING IT TOO.

So, in conclusion: Rewarding people for eventually undoing their own stupidity? Fucking retarded. Rewarding people for changing for the better, while ignoring people who aren’t contributing? Fucking cunt move. Calling me an armchair politician because I haven’t fixed the entire fucking world already? Just fucking shoot yourself.

Fuck you, cunts.

Cabbage.

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