The Daily Jerk

An illuminating rant

by on Jul.03, 2010, under CABBAGE, evil-nazi-eco-libro-fascists, STOP IT, TRUTH

You know what I really hate?

I hate that I – you too I guess but I don’t care about that so much – am paying rates and taxes to allow a whole bunch of pollution to be created. That’s right, pollution.

What kind of pollution you ask? If you don’t ask that, you are a) stupid and b) going to be smacked in the back of the head any minute now with an oversized liverwurst. If you just turned around to see if it was true you are a) gullible and b) now going to be smacked in the FACE with an oversized liverwurst.

But I digress.

So I was driving down a highway at 4am and it was like daylight.  Not because it was daylight but because there’s a huge light every two metres. (It looks like two when you’re driving too much, so quit your pedantic whinging.)

I also went past a shopping centre, closed. Every light in the car park was on. It was like a big ugly box shaped concrete Christmas tree without any decorations.  Well ok, it wasn’t anything like a Christmas tree except it was big and ugly and lit up. But who is using it? No one.  So why should it be lit up? WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE LIGHT POLLUTION FROM SOME STUPID CAR PARK FOR SECURITY PURPOSES! HAVEN’T YOU PEOPLE HEARD OF SENSOR LIGHTS!

Then… then… then I passed a brand new train station. Not even opened yet. It and its carpark were also lit up. NO ONE EVEN KNOWS IT’S THERE! Oh, wait… they do now because you CAN’T MISS THE THING. They’ll be swarming like moths to graffiti it cause the challenge is even bigger when the lights are on ALL THE TIME lighting the place up like we’re in the middle of a SUPANOVA. Where else can your art be visible 24 hours a day? Genius.

So why we have to put up with the tendrils of light pollution reaching further and further into the wilderness while the CBD is surrounded by a dome of unearthly pink light that makes me want to vomit? (Well not literally vomit. Maybe just dry retch.)

Because of all you PATHETIC WUSSY LOSER CRY BABIES WHO ARE SCARED OF THE DARK! The dark is cool and it has been, up until fairly recently, a fact of life. Now it’s GONE, GONE FOREVER AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT YOU SNIVELLING CHILDREN OF DOOM. GIVE ME MY DARK BACK!

I’m going to go live in a cave. A dark cave.

That is all.

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