The Daily Jerk

The one who calls wolf quite often.

by on Jul.06, 2010, under CABBAGE, CUNTS, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?, Heroes, HEY YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT, SHUT UP, Sparkly fuckstains, The one who calls wolf quite often, TRUTH

Today I would like to share with you a story. A story of love, and of loss; of house mates, and sex shops. I would like to share with you the story of “Cam”. I could change his name to protect the innocent, but let’s face it, those who know me already know of him, and those who don’t won’t be able to find him through what I tell you.

His name was “Cam”, which you can probably assume was short for “Cameron”. I won’t tell you his last name, because frankly I’ve forgotten it. I wouldn’t be able to track him down if I wanted to, and I really don’t want to.

So if this person is so particularly distasteful to me, why am I bringing him up? Why now, after I haven’t lived with nor seen him for nearly five years now? Because of this:

No, I didn’t just receive this. It’s an old letter. Someone pointed me to it again, and I had no other plans for today’s post. That’s why you’re getting this today.

The back story is this: I had accidentally paid my week’s rent into his bank account, realised my mistake, and had attempted to contact him to nicely ask if he could rectify the mistake. He returned the money, but also added this beautifully worded letter. I know that many of you here would be thinking “Nicely? You? I seriously doubt that”, but I really just wanted my rent money back, so I wasn’t about to be a dick about it.

The content of the letter isn’t that important. There are just a couple of sticking points, though, that always make me smirk. First up, he reprimands me for acting foolishly. I must admit, I should probably have been more careful when checking that I had, in fact, selected the correct account to transfer money to. It’s a mistake that I had not made before, and have never made since. He sounds almost hurt at this point. A minor inconvenience for him was perhaps a biting blow to his ego.

Next is some rather unimportant stuff about the finer workings of netbank, including one of my all time favourite words “erroneous”. Nothing here of interest, really other than his claim that it will now be physically impossible for him ever to transfer money to me. There is also talk of how busy he is, which I won’t delve in to here.

Finally we arrive at the most baffling part of the letter. This is the part which really inspired the entire post.

“The one who calls wolf quite often”

Long have I wondered what this means. Is he accusing me of being a liar? Is he saying that he lies, frequently? Is this some kind of trying-to-be-deep sign off? Am I actually an idiot for missing some hilarious contemporary reference?

This line has always confused me. It has no context, no exact or deliberate meaning. This is the type of shit that makes me want to punch people in the throats, but also hug and comfort the poor, confused people. IT MAKES NO SENSE. It SEEMS to be referencing the old folk tale of “the boy who cried wolf”, but I can’t figure out why. He had stooged me for bill money before (part of the reason why he was no longer my flat mate), so perhaps he thought that bills were frivolous fancies of mine, and that he would indulge me for the moment, but when a REAL expense came up, my pleas may fall on deaf ears.

It could be a reference to a TV show, or a song, added as a regular sign off or signature. I tried my good friend Google, but to no avail. It exists no-where in the world outside of this letter.

Then some days, like now, I think perhaps that this was his final stab. His final kick into my hypothetical teeth of logic. Something designed to worry, no, TORTURE me until my dying breath. A statement so devoid of reason that it makes “Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?” seem like a sane thing to say.

If this is the case, Cameron, then I must say this to you, sir. Well played.

You fucking cunt.

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