The Daily Jerk

Free stuff!

Lining up for free stuff

by on Jul.30, 2010, under CABBAGE, corporate whores, FABULOUS PRIZES!, Free stuff!, lining up for fun and profit

In cities all across the country, people are standing in line. They are standing in the cold, in the rain, and into the small hours of the morning. They are all waiting for something; something big. Hundreds of people with no other connection are banding together, waiting through the night hoping to get their hands on something before any of their friends. The lines stretch back for streets, competing stores attracting hoards of people with their wares.

What could drive people to such lengths? What could cause so many people to abandon their common sense and warm beds in the middle of the week? Only one thing known to man could inspire this type of devotion.

Free stuff.

Walking through the streets of Melbourne, I saw hundreds of people lined up to get free things. Yellow scalves, hot coffees, and apparently even cakes were handed out to punters who couldn’t wait for more. On the other side of the street were people holding free blue and white umbrellas, and waiting. Free stuff unites people.

Of course not all free stuff is free. Some people will be spending hundreds, even thousands of dollars just to be able to get free things. This just goes to show how important free things are to some people.

By a strange coincidence, Apple is releasing a new phone at midnight, which seems like a shameless cross promotion. They are preying on the hundreds of people who want nothing more than to get free merchandise from their favorite telephone company. Sadly some of these poor people will fall to this expensive coup.

Happily some punters came prepared. They left their cash in the mattress and their wallets at home. This is the only way to be sure that your free stuff isn’t going to end up costing you down the line.

As I sit here writing this I shed a tear for those poor souls who will leave the line clutching a new phone and a 24 month contract. I hope that you still have room in your hands for a complimentary t-shirt. May you lose your phone on the way home, and get a free balloon.

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