The Daily Jerk

SHUT UP

Stop thinking. It’ll only make things harder.

by on Jul.02, 2010, under CUNTS, evil-nazi-eco-libro-fascists, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, HAHAHAHA YORE, HEY YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT, SHUT UP, STOP IT, STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE, TRUTH

All of today’s problems can be simplified down to one root cause. You. In particular, your incessant insistence that you can actually make a difference. You will find that all the problems that concern you would simply go away, if you could simply SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.

Have you ever had a dickhead mate who constantly whined about how bad their life was? Did you ever notice how all those problems never showed up in your life any more once you BEAT HIS FUCKING TEETH IN WITH A LEAD PIPE? This is what’s holding back governments and businesses from getting things done. Whiny little CUNTS LIKE YOU. They can’t even BREAK THE JAWS OF EVERY PERSON WHO DOESN’T SUPPORT THEM WITHOUT LITTLE FUCKING SHIT-SMEARED CUNT RAGS LIKE YOURSELF GETTING ALL UPPITY AND “OH THAT’S BRUTALISM!”

Well on behalf of anyone who’s either been voted or back-stabbed their way into power:

FUCK YOU.

YOU ARE WHY THERE’S OUTRAGE ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE, OR MINING TAXES, OR RADIATION LEVELS IN MILK. YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM. QUIT YOUR BITCHING, AND LET US DO OUR FUCKING JOBS. IF YOU HAD ANY SAY, YOU WOULD BE ONE OF US. AS YOU AREN’T ONE OF US, I THINK IT’S SAFE TO SAY THAT NO-ONE GIVES TWO FUCKS AND A FART IN HELL WHAT YOU FUCKING THINK, YOU SNIVELY LITTLE BALL OF PRIMORDIAL SLIME, PRETENDING AT PLAYING POLITICS.

JUST ONCE, I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HOW YOU WOULD GO MAKING THE BIG FUCKING DECISIONS. OH WHAT A WORLD THAT WOULD BE. EVERYONE WOULD WOULD BE SO FUCKING HAPPY, WITH YOUR SHIT-SMEARED GRINS, AND YOUR CUNT-FACED OPINIONS. WELL TOO FUCKING BAD. YOU DON’T GET A FUCKING SAY, BECAUSE ALL YOU WOULD DO IS FUCK IT UP FOR US.

So now that we have that out of the way, let us discuss how our interests are your interests, not that we even need to justify this, but maybe it will help you to accept it AND SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE HOLE, YOU FUCKING CUNTS. We are the people who you VOTED for, or who OWN YOUR JOB, or that STABBED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ANYONE WHO TRIED TO OPPOSE US. In short, IF YOU FUCK WITH US, YOU WON’T HAVE A LIFE LEFT TO LIVE. WE WILL STUFF YOUR HEAD THROUGH YOUR ANUS SIDEWAYS, COVER YOU IN SALT, AND THROW YOU INTO A FUCKING BLOOM OF OIL. ANY PARTS WHICH STILL SHOW SIGNS OF LIFE WILL BE FED TO EXPLODING FUCKING SHARKS. YOU WILL BE MAULED, DIGESTED, THEN BLOWN TO FUCKING PIECES. ALL WHILE YOUR FAMILY WATCH. IT WILL BE THE GREATEST NEW REALITY TV SHOW, AND YOU KNOW THAT THOSE USELESS CUNTS YOU LIVE WITH WILL JUST LAP IT UP.

YOU PEOPLE MAKE ME WANT TO VOMIT DOWN THE THROATS OF BABIES, YOU ARE SO STUPID. I WANT TO JUST HORK IT ALL UP, SPIT IT DOWN THEIR THROATS, AND CHOKE THEM TO DEATH SO THAT THEY’LL NEVER GROW UP TO BE MORE OF YOU.

So the next time you feel the need to moan or complain, just think about what you are really doing. You’re not making a difference, you’re just making the people who’s opinions DO count wish you were dead. The fact that you are still alive is nothing other than proof that they really do care.

They care that you are still able to vote them back in the same place next election.

They care that you can keep spending your money on the crap they’re selling.

They care that you can keep working long hours to make the crap that you have to save for weeks to afford to buy.

They care.

So shut the fuck up already.

Leave a Comment more...

BIG TOPIC SERIES: RACISM

by on Jul.02, 2010, under CUNTS, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, Hello, HEY YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT, how are you today?, SHUT UP, STOP IT, STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE

It’s another instalment of Daily Jerk’s BIG TOPIC series, this time we’re going to talk about racism.

You know all about racism I’m sure. It’s there in the back of your head. You look at someone who is different than you, and smirk to yourself about how clearly you are superior. Or maybe you don’t, who am I to assume? (wait, who am I kidding. I’m a daily jerk, and of course you do. Good to see our roles are clear here, let’s continue)

Racism. It’s time you revelled in it. Practice it even. You can be a better racist than you are now with some work.

Just think how wonderful it would be if everyone different to you was eliminated. Some narrow minded people might call this genocide, or ethnic cleansing. But you know better than that. It’s just getting rid of the maggoty filth of this world. Am I right?

Get rid of them if their skin is a different colour.
Then get rid of them if their eyes have a different shape.
Then get rid of them if they have noticeably different hair.
Then get rid of them if their nose is a different shape.
Then get rid of them if their eyes are a different colour.
Then get rid of them if they’re shorter than you.
Then get rid of them if they have freckles.
…keep going till there is none left but you.

Oh my, isn’t that a blissful world?

So now it’s time to practice getting your hate on. Remember, everyone is different to you, and so everyone is inferior to you, right?

With that in mind, your exercise for the day is this – next time you’re out in the street, and you see someone who looks like you – find the things that are different, and turn that into a racial slur. Bonus points if it’s new and original.

That’s right boys, girls and MAGGOTS. I want you to go out and start practising racial epitaphs against your own “race”. It’s a game wogs, gringos, palefaces, spics, niggers, crackers, slants, towelheads, whiteys, nazis, honkeys, commie pinko liberals, rednecks, and more can enjoy.  Even a felch monkey like yourself can get in on the act with this, that’s how easy it is.

But you know what? The whole thing is fucked actually. You’re all actually just sacks of carbon and water acting like intelligent hominids anyway, so it’s not like I really expect that you’d know any better. In fact, I’d tear you a new arsehole except you’re spewing shit from both ends already and I’d really rather that you kept it inside if at all possible.

But I bet you can’t even do that right, since you’re just a mindless blood pumping, skeletal supported, dermally covered POOR EXCUSE FOR A FAILED ABORTION!

OK. Fuck it. We’re done here.  You’re not worth it any more. Get off my lawn. Game’s over.

(Fuckin’ biped)

Leave a Comment more...

MOVIE REVIEWS

by on Jun.29, 2010, under CABBAGE, Celebrity gossip, CUNTS, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, FUCKING RIOTS?!, how are you today?, MOTHERFUCKER, SHUT UP, STOP IT, VIN FUCKING DIESEL

Today, I will enter into the world of the unknown, and bring you with me, as I review movies. At the end of today, the unknown will be misnamed, and the known will be trying to take it’s place. I’m not going to waste any more time, so here’s the first review.

Shutter Island

I watched this last night. The movie started out with the main guy going to a mental institution, and having hallucinations. Because of this, it came as no surprise that the twist was that he was actually an inmate there, and was crazy all along. I was expecting a second twist, where he was really sane the whole time, and the conspiracy he was trying to unravel the entire movie was real. That never happened, though, so it ended pretty badly, I guess. Because he was hallucinating the whole time, it was actually pretty hard to tell which parts were meant to be real and which parts were meant to be hallucinations, which makes me think that the ENTIRE FUCKING MOVIE DIDN’T ACTUALLY HAPPEN AT ALL. The director was spending too much time trying to be spooky and artistic, and all the suspense was thrown off by the fact that the main guy’s dead girlfriend showed up right near the start, and she wasn’t burnt to death like he said she was, but sopping fucking wet, with a bleeding gut. Then she turned into ash WHICH JUST CONFUSED THE ISSUE FUCKING MORE. I really wish they would just FIGURE OUT THEIR FUCKING METAPHORS, AND STOP TRYING TO BE ARTSY.

I think I may have away some given spoilers there, but if you wanted to watch the movie, you should have thought better than that.

Sex And The City 2

I’ll just put this out there. I haven’t seen Sex and the City 2. I haven’t seen Sex and the City 1. I haven’t really seen more than various clips from Sex and the City, the TV show. I can sum up everything I know about the franchise here:

  • They get naked sometimes.
  • They’re all pretty old now, so this isn’t really a good thing.
  • Sarah Jessica Parker looks a lot like a horse.
  • I am not the target market.

So with all those things in mind, I will attempt to review this movie.

Ok, so when the movie starts, I assume that everyone involved is still in whatever city it is that they live in. It’s probably New York, or San Francisco. They are the only two cities in America that I know of where people can get their tramp on and get rewarded. I’m pretty sure that they’re not the same city, either, but you can never really tell. San Francisco has a bridge, I think. Anyway, the plot advances when they decide that they’re going to the middle east for whatever fucking reason that they can come up with. They probably want to power-whore their way to finding Osama Bin Laden, so they can kill him with their veritable petri-dish of STD infected cunts.

Anyway, their reasons for wanting to become sluts in another time zone is shrouded in the mystery which can only be unravelled by watching the movie without shooting yourself in the fucking face. So going to the middle east could only really mean one of two locations. Either they’re going to Iraq to help the troops get their sick-leave earlier, or they’re off to Dubai, because, well let’s face it, that’s the only other place in the Middle East where anyone ever wants to go.

The place where they go at this point could totally change the outcome of the movie, so I’m going to write a parallel movie review from this point.

Iraq Dubai
The “girls” (like you can really call middle-aged whores who look like overripe horses “girls”) get drafted into some form of tour of duty which requires that they peddle their wares to troops who really should know better than to stick their penises into disease-ridden prune cunts.

Anyway, they get shot at a bit, and one of them gets a gaping wound blasted in their face by some fucking shrapnel. This is officially the coolest part in the entire fucking movie.

They all get the sads about it, and then they realise that the wound is about the size their vaginas once were, so they over-come by getting hundreds of men to come over it. They probably learn some valuable lesson about over coming (or coming over) adversity, and then they all die from AIDS.

The “whores” (I feel that this is a pretty appropriate name for them, really) decide to get their skank on in Dubai, because they hear that there are lots of rich men there, and they’re not having sex with anyone but their wives.

When they arrive, they realise that they aren’t allowed to drink anything, so their alcohol-based blood streams start to shut down. In desperation, they kill Samantha, and try to eat her liver. They are able to get at least a years supply of alcohol for a normal drunk out of it, but due to their rampant and insatiable whoreiness, they are unable to satisfy their appetites for more than an hour.

Carrie learns about her powers of telekinesis, but is unable to control them properly, and ends up impaling herself on a large, mechanical dildo.

The other two girls try to solicit sex from the hotel manager, who calls the police. They are both thrown in jail, where they learn the truth about life or something. Then they die from AIDS.

I can’t be certain that that’s how the movie goes, but I’m pretty sure that no-one has ever watched it through entirely, so I’m probably pretty safe here.

I think that is all that I need to say about the Sex and the City Franchise.

I hope you enjoyed my film reviews.

5 Comments more...

Staking your claim on the web

by on Jun.28, 2010, under CABBAGE, CUNTS, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, MOTHERFUCKER, SHUT UP, STOP IT, STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE, VIN FUCKING DIESEL

Identities should be restricted to one person. I can see the point of one person having multiple identities on the web, but I can’t see why multiple people would want to share an identity. I hate it when I’m trying to stalk find someone online, and I instead find six other people using the same fucking user name.

I use the name “hugejerk” in many places, and so far I am the only one using that name that I’ve come across. This is how it should be. I found a name, staked it out, and EVERY OTHER CUNT ON THE INTERNET CAN FUCK OFF. I have other user names which, however unique they were when I started using them, are now used by other STUPID FUCKING SHIT MUNCHERS who are dirtying up MY GOOD FUCKING NAME with “bebo” accounts, and FUCKING RETARDED QUESTIONS ON FORUMS.  Added with their INABILITY TO STAY IN THE ONE FUCKING SPOT ON THE WEB FOR MORE THAN FIVE FUCKING SECONDS, I have my own personal brand CORRODED BY FUCKING HUNDREDS OF STUPID FUCKING SEARCH RESULTS. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS TO GOOGLE FOR MYSELF WHEN SOME STUPID KID IS DILUTING MY FUCKING NAME WITH PUERILE FUCKING QUESTIONS ON “AVENGED CUNTFOLD” MESSAGE BOARDS? HOW THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT ME IF HALF THE RESULTS ARE NO LONGER ME?

The problem is only worsened when we get to other people. Some useless CUNT BEAST adds me on some chat program or other, because their FUCKING SHIT-CUNT FRIEND started using the same name as me, just with a different fucking suffix. THEN THEY THINK I’M FUCKING LYING WHEN I TELL THEM THAT I DON’T KNOW WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE. THEY FUCKING ASK ME QUESTIONS ABOUT WHO I AM, AND THEN WHEN I TELL THEM, THEY THINK I’M JUST PLAYING A HUGE FUCKING JOKE. That’s when I usually say “Lol! u got me! hay look at my pic” and send them to goatse, or lemonparty. This usually gets them off my back.

Sometimes, though, I decide that I want to know who this FUCKING IMMATURE CUNT who is talking to me ACTUALLY FUCKING IS, just to prove to them that the Internet isn’t as fucking safe as they think. It usually takes about five minutes with google to find all the stupid sites where they signed up. Facebook usually drops the “finding out who they are” task to about five seconds now (thank fuck for bad privacy settings and everyone on the Internet thinking “WHO WOULD WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ME LOL”). But still, I run into the SAME FUCKING NAME DILUTION PROBLEM.

Some people would claim that this is security through obscurity, but personally I think that it’s MORE FUCKING PROOF THAT PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT SHOULD BE FUCKING LINED UP, SHOT IN THE LEGS, AND THEN FED TO SOME VERY HUNGRY, AND VERY ANGRY MEAT ANTS. It doesn’t prove that you are safe from predators, it shows that THERE ARE EVEN MORE PEOPLE JUST AS FUCKING STUPID AS YOU ARE, YOU USELESS, FUCKING OXYGEN THIEVING, HERPES RIDDEN, WANKING, TODGER-BREATHED, WASTE OF DNA, MAGGOTY CUNT. EVEN WORSE, THEY ARE ALSO USING THE SAME FUCKING USER NAME AS YOU, SO YOU CAN’T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW FUCKING USELESS YOU ARE.

JUST ASSUME THAT EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE IS YOU, THAT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE ALIVE, AND BURN DOWN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE TO MAKE SOME SPACE FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN GRASP THE BASIC CONCEPT OF “RATIONAL FUCKING THOUGHT”. I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THAT IF YOU CAN’T GRASP SIMPLE THINGS LIKE THAT, YOU SHOULD BE GIVEN THE SAME FUCKING OPPORTUNITIES AS EVERYONE ELSE. IT’S INEFFICIENT WASTAGE. THE ONE FUCKING PRODUCTIVE THING YOU COULD DO FOR THE WORLD IS TO CHAIN YOURSELF INTO YOUR CAR AND DRIVE OFF A CLIFF.

People may think that this is harsh, but that is because THOSE PEOPLE KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT THEY ARE ONLY ONE FUCKING RETARDED POST AWAY FROM BEING ASSIGNED THE SAME FUCKING FATE.

I feel that if someone has used your user name anywhere else on the net, you have total rights to set fire to their stupid fucking face, just for making you look bad. If they make you look better, however, then you still have first dibs on the name, but you must be pretty fucking retarded, so I don’t think anyone will care that much if you get killed off.

In other news, did you know that drinking large quantities of battery acid helps you to lose weight? You should do it, and stop bothering me any more.

Leave a Comment more...

Flagged for your consideration

by on Jun.24, 2010, under CUNTS, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, MOTHERFUCKER, SHUT UP, STOP IT, STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE

Guess who? Yes, me again. If you’ve not read my stuff before (why not you CRETIN?), then grant me a moment to introduce myself. I’m just like everyone else here – a jerk. Except different. And by different I mean better. Why? Because I’m right, obviously. Do I have to explain everything? (*sigh* yes, clearly I do. Let’s get on with it)

Today I’d like to talk to you about flags. Big flags, little flags, the flags that explorers waved from the tops of mountains to tell everyone else trying to get there that they should just bugger off and go home because they clearly LOST, and the flags that the Romans invented because they were an EMPIRE dammit And the flags that you see on cars.

For years the only cars with flags were diplomatic vehicles, but lately there has been a disturbing trend. Cheap flags.

So I have to ask. HOW IS FLYING A TACKY PLASTIC NATIONAL FLAG THAT WAS CHEAPLY MADE IN CHINA AND GIVEN AWAY IN A WEEKLY FASHION MAGAZINE,  IN ANY WAY PATRIOTIC?

No you MAGGOTS, you don’t represent the country – you’re not in any way a representative of anything except of the United Unthinking Community of Moronia. You have no special standing and the only people running along side your car are your kids after you closed the door on the jackets they were still wearing and drove off to your SO FUCKING IMPORTANT appointment with your private nail-care specialist. All you are is a TWERP who has a plastic flag sticking out of the window thinking it’s the height of suave. In fact it’s such a useless thing that I bet I’d not even be able to STAB you with it if you came in range of me. Not that I’d want to of course, too great a risk of contracting some form of TWERPES from you. I shudder. I really do.

But in all fairness, I’d tolerate these things on Australia Day, but any other day of the year? nah. PISSOFF!

Now here’s a first – I correct myself. I don’t really tolerate them on Australia Day at all. In fact, their proliferation at that time just makes it more obvious to me just how dumb an idea they are in the first place.

But in actual fairness (since when has this blog ever been about fairness? Well, don’t try and tell me that I have to be one-eyed about this or I’ll take my ONE EYED MEMBER AND FUCK YOUR OESOPHAGUS AFTER I REMOVE THE MORE USELESS PARTS OF YOUR SKULL, WHICH ROUGHLY SPEAKING IS (but is not limited to) YOUR BRAIN! But I digress) part of this dislike is due to a simple dislike of the Australian flag as it currently exists. This is not to say that a better flag design would nullify this rant. I just might be a little less vocal about it.

A new flag design huh? Now that’s a REAL ISSUE SONNY, and we’ll have none of that crazy talk around these parts.

There are also sporting team flags seen on cars on occasions (and not just on sportsball day!), and the people who fly those are even more special than those I’ve previously noted. So special in fact that there is a special word reserved for these very very special people. That word is …CUNTS!. I don’t feel the need to elaborate any more. The place is full of them.

Now get off my lawn.

2 Comments more...

So your relationship is doomed? That may be to do with your posts on facebook.

by on Jun.21, 2010, under CABBAGE, Celebrity gossip, CUNTS, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, HEY YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT, SHUT UP, STOP IT, STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE

I will never understand it. I will probably never TRY to understand it, but the fact that it isn’t immediately understandable is a bad indication. What I’m talking about is a common trend that you will have seen through your friends on facebook, twitter, and almost any other form of social network. It’s a trend which I find cuntish, fucking vile, stupid as shit, and all manner of other cunt, shit, or fuck inspired adjectives.

I’ll stop talking around the issue. Your wall/feed/whatever is NOT the correct place to be discussing your private issues you SHALLOW FUCKING RETARDED CUNTWAFFLE. I fear that that may be understating it a little.

I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL FUCKING ISSUES WITH WHATEVER USELESS CUNT YOU LIVE WITH, FUCK, CARESS IN THE “NAUGHTY SPOT”, OR OTHERWISE ALLOW TO SHOVE THEIR SHIT IN YOUR MASSIVE, GAPING, GONORRHOEIC, CUNT. I SIMILARLY DO NOT CARE IF SOME PERSON WHO YOU INVESTED TIME AND EFFORT IN “ISNT WORTH IT U BICH IM BEUTIFUL NO MATER WOT U SAY HOW DAR U SAY THT 2 ME!”

I’m being serious here, though. Discussion about who has cunted you over, especially in VERY FUCKING BROAD TERMS, WHICH SINGLE OUT NO-ONE, IN HORRIFIC BROKEN ENGLISH WHICH WOULD MAKE A LEPER BLUSH can happily fuck off. I don’t want to hear it. I really fucking don’t. Excuse the fact that posting “u kno who u r” is possibly the SINGLE MOST RETARDED FUCKING THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE DO, SINCE INJECTING YOUR ROTTEN FUCKING ANUS WITH HYDROCHLORIC ACID. Sorry, you probably didn’t inject your anus with any type of acid, I’m just projecting my desires again.

The point remains, though. Your passive-aggressive bullshit where you try to stick it to nobody-in-particular is a waste of those precious kilobytes of data that it takes up. Your senseless drivel is only superseded in pointlessness by the fucking cuntlips who take the bait by telling you “There not worth it n e way” and “Ur butiful sweety”.

I have never before, in my life, seen such horribly, mind-burning mutual fucking masturbation, and I’ve seen lemon party. FOR A WHILE, IT WAS MY FUCKING DESKTOP. You people really need to get the fuck off the Internet, and sort out your fucking lives rather than whining about them. OH SO YOU’VE GOT NOTHING INTERESTING HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE, SO THE ONLY WAY PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE ALIVE IS IF YOU FUCKING CRY ABOUT SOME OTHER CUNT WHO YOU CLAIM ISN’T WORTH YOUR TIME IN THE FIRST PLACE? THAT’S REALLY FUCKING LOGICAL, ISN’T IT. THEY AREN’T WORTH YOUR FUCKING TIME YET THEY ARE THE ONLY FUCKING THING THAT YOU POST ABOUT? IF YOU REALLY HATE THEM SO MUCH, THEN WHY ARE YOU SPARING THEM THE WRATH OF YOUR FRIENDS BY REFUSING TO NAME THEM? IS IT BECAUSE NO-ONE HAS ACTUALLY WRONGED YOU? IS IT BECAUSE YOU JUST MADE THE ENTIRE FUCKING THING UP? IS IT BECAUSE, 3 YEARS FROM NOW YOU WILL STILL BE STUCK FUCKING THE SAME RETARDED DICKHEAD THAT YOU HATE SOOOO MUCH BECAUSE YOU THINK THAT THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN FUCKING DO? WELL MAYBE IT FUCKING WELL IS. ACCEPT IT AND STOP COMPLAINING. IF IT’S NOT THEN FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, AND STOP COMPLAINING.

IF YOU DON’T LIKE SOMEONE, BUT ARE STILL HANGING AROUND WITH THEM BY YOUR OWN CHOICE, THEN YOU HAVE NO-ONE TO BLAME BUT YOUR FUCKING SELF, SO FUCKING DITCH THEM ALREADY AND SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU USELESS, DISEASED, MAGGOTY, INFECTED, VAPID, SHIT-FILLED, FUCKING CUNTS. MY THREE STRIKE POLICY OF SHITTING UP MY FEED IS PERHAPS TOO FUCKING LENIENT. IF YOU DO IT, AND I DON’T CARE, YOU ARE FUCKING GONE. I WANT NOTHING ELSE TO DO WITH YOUR FUCKING DRAMATIC LIVES.

FUCK.
YOU.
U kno who u r.

Leave a Comment more...

Splash pages, “skip this ad”, and focus-stealing pop-ups

by on Jun.16, 2010, under CABBAGE, CUNTS, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, MOTHERFUCKER, SHUT UP, STOP IT, STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE

STOP FUCKING DOING IT OR I WILL MURDER YOUR CHILDREN, EAT THEM, THEN SHIT THEM DOWN YOUR THROATS. You CUNTS who still seem to think that the best way to advertise is to OBSCURE YOUR FUCKING CONTENT need to FUCKING KILL YOURSELVES, RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

I don’t get it. I really am at a loss. The REASON that people come to your site is to view your content. YOUR CONTENT. NOT YOUR FUCKING ADS. I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE MONEY TO KEEP YOUR VIRUS RIDDEN CUNTS ABOVE THE LINE OF “OUR SHIT-SMEARED GRINS GOT WIPED OUT BECAUSE OF MEDIOCRE REPORTING”, BUT THE ANSWER ISN’T TO ATTEMPT TO FORCE ADS ON PEOPLE. IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK, IT JUST DRIVES MORE PEOPLE AWAY FROM YOUR SITE. EVERY TIME I HIT A SITE THAT ATTEMPTS TO DRAW MY ATTENTION TO AN AD RATHER THAN THE CONTENT, I BLOCK IT. SIMPLE AS THAT. THAT WHOLE SITE IS FUCKING GONE. I WON’T VISIT AGAIN BECAUSE I CAN’T; I CAN’T BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO; I DON’T WANT TO BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL A USELESS BUNCH OF CUNTS WHO DON’T DESERVE ANY REPEAT BUSINESS. EVER.

But what if I miss “the scoop”? What if THAT SITE has a unique take on some piece of news that I can’t find anywhere else on the net? I’ll tell you, in all the time that I’ve been blocking CUNT DROOLING MOUTH-BREATHER sites that force ads into my face, I don’t feel that I’ve missed ONE SINGLE FUCKING WORD OF ORIGINAL COMMENTARY ON ANY FUCKING ISSUE FUCKING EVER. It’s another interesting point about these sites. They are so focused on getting that ever important advertising dollar, that they seem to absolutely forget about the ONE FUCKING THING that readers view as important. DECENT FUCKING CONTENT.

The number of times that I have stumbled around the Internet, only to find almost ENTIRELY THE SAME FUCKING ARTICLE on no less than TEN FUCKING DIFFERENT WEBSITES. Well let’s just say that if I had a penny for every time, I WOULD HAVE SO MUCH USELESS FUCKING CURRENCY THAT TAKES UP SPACE AND CAN’T BE SPENT BECAUSE PENNIES ARE NO LONGER LEGAL FUCKING TENDER IN THIS COUNTRY.

These sites DO NOT FUCKING DESERVE TO SURVIVE as they offer NOTHING NEW AT ALL TO ANY FORM OF CONVERSATION, AND OFTEN JUST QUOTE DIRECTLY FROM THE ORIGINAL FUCKING ARTICLE, OR MORE LIKELY A COPY OF THE ARTICLE WHICH THEY FOUND ON ANOTHER SITE WHICH IN TURN IS QUOTING OFF ANOTHER SITE AND SO FORTH UNTIL YOU CAN’T FIND THE ORIGINAL SOURCE OF THE INFORMATION AND CAN’T VERIFY ANY OF THE BULLSHIT CLAIMS THAT THE CUNTISH MORONS WHO HAVE BEEN PLAYING CHINESE WHISPERS WITH THE NEWS HAVE MADE.

DID YOU KNOW THAT WE WILL PROBABLY HAVE FLYING CARS IN ABOUT THREE WEEKS BECAUSE THECUNTISHCUNT.COM SAID THAT ON THEFUCKINGTARDFACE.COM THERE WAS AN ARTICLE ABOUT HOW CUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNT.ORG FOUND SOME OUT OF DATE ARTICLE FROM IPROBABLYFUCKINGMADEITUP.NET ABOUT SOME RESEARCH THAT WAS ABOUT MAGNETS WHICH MENTIONED THE WORD CARS OR MAYBE CARBON, SO OBVIOUSLY IT’S ABOUT FLYING CARS, DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE RESEARCH WAS CANNED IN 1862, AND THE RETARD WHO FOUND IT PASSED IT AROUND AS A FUCKING JOKE? DID YOU FUCKING KNOW?

I DIDN’T, BECAUSE I COULDN’T FUCKING GET TO THE PAGE BECAUSE SOME CUNT HAD PUT A SPLASH AD IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING PAGE, AND I BLOCKED THE SITE OUT OF REVULSION.

DO YOU SEE MY POINT? THESE SITES DO NOT DESERVE TO SURVIVE, AND EVERYONE WOULD BE MUCH FUCKING BETTER OFF IF THEY WERE ALL BLOCKED FOREVER BY EVERYONE.

It is with this in mind that I propose the “UNORIGINAL MONEY GRUBBING FUCKING CUNT WHORES” extension for both firefox and chrome. It will essentially stop people from visiting sites which have no fucking value but try to charge you for it anyway.

Let the cunts deal with that.

CABBAGE.

Leave a Comment more...

Your questions are burning (A HOLE IN MY FUCKING SKULL WITH THEIR STUPIDITY)

by on Jun.14, 2010, under CUNTS, FABULOUS PRIZES!, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, HAHAHAHA YORE, HEY YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT, MAGNETS - HOW THE FUCK DO THEY WORK, MOTHERFUCKER, SHUT UP, STOP IT, STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE, VIN FUCKING DIESEL

So yesterday (conveniently a weekend) marked a month since my first post on this site. A few days ago, I asked people to ask me things. These are some of the questions that I received, and as a bonus, some answers to them.

Q: Have you ever wondered why a turtle has a neck?
A: No. I know why turtles have necks. It’s so stupid fucking middle-class white people can pretend to have something in common with poor black people (who make up for their lack of monetary wealth with a boon of musical talent). They function only as foreskins for cunts with no sense of fashion.

Q: Why are you such a (insert MAGGOT-TITS GOVERNMENT MARTHA STEWART here) SHAGPILE MAGGOT-TITS?
A: I have trained VERY LONG and VERY FUCKING HARD to develop tit-maggots. Now you SWAN THE FUCK IN HERE and pretend like IT’S A FUCKING BAD THING, YOU CUNT. IF I WANT TO GET A GOVERNMENTAL ORDER TO INFECT MARTHA STEWART’S TITS WITH MAGGOTS, THEN I HAD BEST HAVE SOME TIT MAGGOTS FUCKING READY AT HAND. I will, however take your suggestion for a shagpile tit-maggot delivery method under consideration.

Q: Why do I always smell bacon?
A: Because you are a giant, disgusting, fucking HAM BEAST. You probably have half a side of pork shoved in your cunt, just in case you need it for emergencies. YOU MAKE ME SICK.

Q: Stupid people – how do they live?
A: In cars, apparently. They fucking wouldn’t if I had anything to do with it. Take the warning labels off everything, and let the problem sort itself out. By shooting everyone who complains about there no longer being any warning labels or instructions. Actually, taking the instructions off things wouldn’t make any difference because the STUPID FUCKHEADS WHO INHABIT THIS CUNTING PLANET NEVER READ THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS ON ANYTHING ANYWAY.

So that’s it for now. If you want to ask questions, there’s still the following ways:

Now fuck off.

Leave a Comment more...

How to endanger children, make stupid decisions, and get away with it

by on Jun.11, 2010, under CABBAGE, CUNTS, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, MOTHERFUCKER, SHUT UP, STOP IT

This is the story. A mother of two children loses her house. This is sad, and possibly not her own fault. Normally in this situation, one would ask friends, relatives, anyone for help. She didn’t. She claimed that she was ashamed that she had lost her house, and didn’t want to embarrass herself further by asking for assistance.

This in itself is a little bit FUCKING RETARDED, but I know of other people who would act in a similar manner, so who am I to judge1? Now she drags her two kids into this as well because even though, as she herself has said, her ex is a good father and would have happily taken the kids, SHE DECIDED THAT HE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING RIGHT TO KNOW THAT THEY WERE HOMELESS NOW, AND WENT SO FAR AS TO SUPPLY HIM WITH A FAKE FUCKING ADDRESS. Then as if that amount of SLUT BAGGERY wasn’t fucking enough torment for her children, she then decided that while she was too embarrassed to ask anyone who knew her for help, SHE WASN’T TOO FUCKING EMBARRASSED TO NOTIFY A MAJOR FUCKING NEWSPAPER.

THAT is how the CHILDREN’S FUCKING FATHER found out that the UNFIT WHORE MOTHER of his TWO CHILDREN was endangering HIS FUCKING CHILDREN, LYING TO HIM, AND PLASTERING THEIR SOB STORY ALL OVER THE FUCKING PAPERS. NOW HER POOR FUCKING CHILDREN WILL BE KNOWN AMONG THEIR DIMINISHING NUMBER OF SCHOOL FRIENDS NOT ONLY AS THE “TWO KIDS WHO ARE STARTING TO GET A BIT WHIFFY”, BUT AS THE FUCKING STUPID HOMELESS CUNTS WHO’S MOTHER SHOULD BE SHOT IN THE FACE WITH SUPERMAN’S SHOTGUN-POWERED FUCKING EJACULATE.

Oh wow, you’re getting an outpouring of support are you? How about an outpouring of CHILDREN’S PROTECTIVE SERVICES REMOVING YOUR RIGHT TO CONTACT YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN EVER AGAIN, LEST YOU STAB THEM, LET THEM BLEED FOR A WEEK, AND THEN FUCKING TELL THE PAPERS THAT YOU WERE TOO EMBARRASSED TO GO TO A HOSPITAL, SO INSTEAD YOU LET YOUR CHILDREN’S WOUNDS FESTER.

YOU SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED NEAR ANYONE, LET ALONE YOUR OWN FUCKING CHILDREN. THEN TO TOP IT OFF, YOU WORK IN A FUCKING DOCTORS SURGERY? IF YOU MIX UP A PATIENT’S RECORDS, WILL YOU NOT FIX IT OR TELL ANYONE BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO FUCKING EMBARRASSED? WILL YOU GO TO THE PAPERS AND TELL THEM THAT MISS CUNTERBLAST ACTUALLY HAS CANCER, AND ABOUT THREE DAYS TO LIVE, BUT SHE DOESN’T KNOW THIS BECAUSE YOU ACCIDENTALLY SWAPPED HER RECORDS WITH MRS WHOREBURGER, WHO KILLED HERSELF LAST NIGHT BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO GO ON HER OWN TERMS? “WHOOPSIE!” YOU WILL SAY. “WHAT A SILLY KERFUDDLE!”

HOW ABOUT YOU GET THROWN INTO A FUCKING SHARK-SNAKE-TIGER-SPIDER-SPIKE PIT BEFORE YOU CAN DO ANY MORE FUCKING DAMAGE TO SOCIETY.


1Pro tip: I’m on the Internet, I GET TO JUDGE FUCKING EVERYONE.


References:

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/mum-who-slept-in-car-thanks-victorians-for-offers-of-help/story-e6frf7jo-1225878168964 – The story on the FUCKING FRONT PAGE of the Herald Sun, which presents her CUNTING OVER of her children as some form of feel-good “aren’t we all just so fucking special like the kids in special ed. only with less common sense” story. FUCKING CUNTS.

http://benpobjie.blogspot.com/2010/06/cold-cockles.html – Where I found out about this fucking travesty of humanity. Mr. Pobjie also “tears her a new one”, as it were, only he’s actually coherent. You should read this too.

2 Comments more...

Hating on WORDS

by on Jun.07, 2010, under CUNTS, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, HAHAHAHA YORE, MAGNETS - HOW THE FUCK DO THEY WORK, SHUT UP, VIN FUCKING DIESEL

Anyone who knows me knows that I hate words. I hate them, right down to their lettery cores. I hate words, I hate linguists, I hate word smiths, I hate the WORD “smith”, I hate everyone CALLED “Smith”, I ESPECIALLY hate the character “Agent Smith” in “The Matrix”, because he loved to use words, and was called “Smith”.

As far as I am concerned, words can be burnt into their own special hell, which will have no name because to name it, you have to use a word, and it any word will eventually end up in there, so applying a name will only be a temporary measure, and will only really exacerbate the problem.

So what is it about words that I hate so much? It’s the fact that they’re ALL FUCKING MISUSED BLOODY LIARS. All words have, at some point, been misappropriated by FUCKING RETARDS who think that the SOUND of the word is good enough to get their point across.

You fucking CUNTS.

Words used to be good for all sorts of things, but now, because of FUCKING ARSEHOLE RETARDO-CUNTS, you can’t trust A SINGLE FUCKING WORD TO MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS. FOR ALL I KNOW, YOU THINK I’M TALKING ABOUT HAM AND PENIS SANDWICHES, SMEARED IN ANAL JUICES. HOWEVER IF YOU THOUGHT THAT, THEN YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT THAT WHAT I JUST SAID THEN WAS ABOUT FUCKING RABBITS SKULL-FUCKING INDIAN BABIES WHILE SHOUTING RACIAL EPITHETS. HOWEVER, IF THAT WERE THE CASE… WELL YOU GET THE FUCKING IDEA THEN.

So why be angry at WORDS? They are surely the innocent victims in this situation. They have no means with which to defend themselves, outside of dictionaries, which, let’s face, it are ways of converting single words into even MORE words. Dictionaries aren’t a fucking defence. THEY ARE A FUCKING BREEDING PROGRAM FOR WORDS, AND NONE OF IT IS OF ANY FUCKING USE UNLESS YOU ALREADY KNOW FUCKING WORDS.

THAT is why I feel that it is the words at fault. THEY ARE A FALSE ECONOMY. They make you feel like you’re saying something, BUT THE SOMETHING HAS NO FUCKING MEANING IF YOU DON’T KNOW ANY WORDS. EVERYTHING COULD BE COMPLETELY FUCKING WRONG, AND YOU WOULD NEVER FUCKING KNOW BECAUSE THE ONLY WAY YOU HAVE TO FIND OUT IS BY USING MORE FUCKING WORDS.

THE WHOLE THING IS A FUCKING VICIOUS CYCLE WHICH WOULD BE EASILY AVOIDED IF WE STOPPED USING WORDS ALTOGETHER, AND FIGURED OUT A WAY OF COMMUNICATING BY IMPLANTING OUR EXACT INTENTION STRAIGHT INTO PEOPLES MINDS IN A WAY WITCH THEY WILL FUCKING UNDERSTAND.

I WANT TO SCREAM INTO YOUR FUCKING BRAIN, YOU USELESS PILE OF MAGGOTY PUS, DRIPPING IN VAGINAL JUICES, AND SOAKED IN MENSTRUAL BLOOD UNTIL WHICH POINT THAT YOU DISSOLVE AND BECOME ONE WITH YOUR FUCKING PREDECESSOR’S SANITARY WASTE.

The great irony here is that you have no way of being sure that you actually understood what I meant there, because your grasp of the English language has already been royally CUNTED OVER BY FUCKING WORDS.

FUCK YOU, WORDS.

FUCK.

YOU.

2 Comments more...

Looking for something?

Use the form below to search the site:

Still not finding what you're looking for? Drop a comment on a post or contact us so we can take care of it!

Archives

All entries, chronologically...