The Daily Jerk

Skeptic logic is infallible

First! And other things that should result in you being shot.

by on Jul.09, 2010, under CABBAGE, CUNTS, FABULOUS PRIZES!, Fish are ANGRY at the world, FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE EVERYONE, HAHAHAHA YORE, HEY YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT, MOTHERFUCKER, My skepticisim isn't the slightest bit dogmatic - how dare you, SHUT UP, Skeptic logic is infallible, Sparkly fuckstains, STOP IT, STOP PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE, VIN FUCKING DIESEL

Wow! You commented first! What a position of power, of responsibility! Everyone will see your comment, meaning that it is the most important comment on the page. Too bad YOU FUCKING WASTED IT BY ADDING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF VALUE TO THE CONVERSATION, YOU USELESS, MAGGOTY, MOUTH-BREATHING, OXYGEN THIEVING, FUCKING THATCHER SLUTCUNT.

WOW NOW EVERYONE CAN SEE THAT YOU REALLY ARE A BARELY FUNCTIONAL RETARD, WITH NO VALID INPUT INTO ANYTHING. NO LONGER WILL YOUR FRIENDS BE WONDERING IF YOU ARE A FUNNY GUY WITH AN ODD SENSE OF HUMOUR, OR AN AUTISTIC MONKEY ON CRACK. YOU WILL HAVE ADVERTISED TO THE WORLD THAT YOU ARE IN FACT ONE OF THE MOST USELESS HUMAN BEINGS ALIVE.

ON THE CHART OF USELESS PEOPLE, YOU ARE RIGHT UP THERE WITH JUSTIN BIEBER AND JUNKIES. THEN IF THAT WASN’T BAD ENOUGH, PEOPLE START COMPETING FOR SECOND PLACE. SECOND FUCKING PLACE! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? DID A PIANO GET DROPPED ON YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD? PERHAPS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN. FOLLOWED BY AN AXE, AND A FUCKING NUCLEAR WARHEAD. PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO SURVIVE IN THIS WORLD.

This is why I am against public healthcare. It’s also why I’m against warning labels. Let stupid people look after themselves for about 2 years, and the world will be a whole heap smarter for it.

So this list of people who are more useless than balls on a truck; who are they? The list is longer than you can imagine (because you have a very limited imagination, not because it’s a massive list), so here is an abridged version.

People who are stupid cunts, and should not be allowed to live.

In no particular order:

  • People who put balls on a truck (or any vehicle for that matter)
  • People who put balls on a phone.
  • People who cut me off when I’m driving.
  • People who don’t indicate properly on roundabouts.
  • People who indicate right when going into a round about, when they’re not actually taking an exit to the right.
  • People who compete for the first comment on any post anywhere on the Internet.
  • People who, once they see that the first position has already been called by about six people, attempt to call “second”. Seriously, this happens.
  • People who comment on things just so they can see their name.
  • People who don’t even finish reading a headline before posting a comment.
  • Justin Bieber
  • People who think that it’s unfair that their opinions aren’t worth more than someone else’s.
  • People who actually complain that it is UNFAIR to THEM that OTHER PEOPLE need help.
  • People who CAN’T WAIT THEIR FUCKING TURN IN LINE.
  • People who TRY TO PRETEND THAT THERE ISN’T A LINE, AND ACT SHOCKED WHEN THEY GET TOLD THAT THERE IS ONE.
  • PEOPLE IN GENERAL CAN FUCK OFF, YOU CUNTS.
  • People who think that their moral views should be made law.
  • People who like Justin Bieber.
  • People who are really touchy with people they barely know.
  • People who exaggerate the truth.
  • Journalists on current affairs shows.
  • People who CAN’T USE COMMON FUCKING SENSE OR A BIT OF LOGIC, BUT STILL TRY TO ARGUE THE POINT WITH YOU.
  • People who start “discussions” (read: arguments) with no intention of allowing their point of view to change.
  • People who preach their point of views without being willing to listen to someone else’s.
  • People who make wild assumptions about someone else’s point of view based on their own idea of what the person is like.
  • PEOPLE WHO SHOULD DIE COLD, ALONE, AND IN A GIANT FUCKING HOLE FILLED WITH THE CORPSES OF OTHER PEOPLE LIKE THEM.
  • People who get offended by the word “cunt”.
  • Advertisers.
  • People who believe advertisements.
  • People who believe anything that they read without the slightest bit of suspicion.

The full list is much longer, but this gives you the basic idea. Your aim in life should be to live well, and not end up on this list.

Now FUCK OFF, YOU CUNTS.

2 Comments more...

Cutting through the Australian political parties

by on Jul.07, 2010, under Celebrity gossip, evil-nazi-eco-libro-fascists, how are you today?, Illuminati, My skepticisim isn't the slightest bit dogmatic - how dare you, Skeptic logic is infallible, Spill, TRUTH

There is much talk in Australia about how we have a “two party” system. This doesn’t mean that there are only two parties, only that there are only two parties which actually have a chance to win. There are heaps of boutique, or specialist parties. Usually single issue, or single point-of-view parties which, if they ever got into power would invariably fuck everything up, and STILL wouldn’t get around to acting on any of their policies.

There are, in fact, about five major parties now. So with the likely upcoming election, how do we know who to trust with our votes? The simple answer is no-one, but sadly they never have a “total anarchy” option on the ballots. Today, I’ll give you a run down of the major parties, and why none of them can be trusted. Hopefully this will help you to figure out which one you least want to be in power, thus allowing you to figure out the correct order for you r preferences.

The Liberal Party

The Liberal Party is horribly named. They are easily one of the most conservative parties around, believing that the only liberties people should have is to be allowed to pick which horrible employment situation to sign their lives to. They are currently in opposition, after eleven years of iron-fisted justice. Their key policies seem to be:

  • You have no rights.
  • OK, you have one right. The right to have no other rights.
  • OK, that is more of a responsibility than a right.
  • Maybe responsibility is the wrong word. It still makes it sound like you have a choice.

The National Party

Again, this is a horribly named party. They seem to have the least spread out of any of the major parties. To my knowledge, they exist only in Adelaide these days, and that probably won’t last there long. They are the smaller part of a loose coalition with the Liberal party, which just goes to show how much of the nation they care about. They may have policies, but no-one is ever quite sure. Usually, I think their policy is just to oppose everything that Labor says.

The Labor Party

The Labor party, apart from being misspelled, is also misnamed. As a party who you would assume would approve of labour, they strongly opposed the introduction of legal slaves through the previous government’s “Work Choices” legislation. Once a party leaning to the political left, Labor abandoned this when they realised that being evil was more fun. In recent times, they have been playing a game of musical chairs for the leader’s position, which brings some credibility back as the only group to at least take the “Party” part seriously. They are keen gymnasts, with the ability to both back-flip constantly, and to bend over backwards in order to please investors. Their current policies include:

  • Reducing Australia’s carbon emissions by taxing emission producers.
  • Subsidising large emission producers so that the tax doesn’t affect their profit margins.
  • Tax mining companies to pay for the subsidies to large polluters.
  • Talk to mining companies about only taxing parts of their business which affect smaller companies, who aren’t consulted.
  • Filter the Internet to stop bad things from happening for everyone.
  • Speed up Internet speeds so that access speeds aren’t that much slower than they are now when the Internet filter is introduced.

Family First

The Family First party are against all types of family. The current theory holds that their name doesn’t mean that policies should help the family first, but that families should be against the wall. They are strongly opposed to talking about sex, thinking about sex, having sex (unless married), people getting married (gays only), and gays having families. They are largely a conservative Christian party, which is nice that they declare it, but does kind of defenestrate the idea of “separation between church and state”. They are still only a minor party, but they are outspoken, so I feel that it is fair to include them in this list. Their current policies seem to be:

  • Gays are bad
  • Sex before marriage is bad
  • Heathens are probably gay, so they’re bad.
  • Gays would have the same rights as regular people if they were in fact people, and not some demon spawn from hell.
  • Pornography is evil spawn of the devil and should be outlawed.

The Green Party

The first thing you need to know about the Green Party is that they are led by a man named Brown. This the the type of serious position they take to politics. As a running party, they have long been the punch line for many jokes along the lines of “Well who are you going to vote for? The Greens? Ha ha ha!”. They are outspoken about their policies, which seem to be “Oppose everything everyone does, because it’s not good enough”, and “Why can’t we all just get along, man?”. They are one of those parties what everyone says they would vote for if they thought they could ever win a seat, a common statement which has always struck me as being completely contrary to logic. The greens aren’t a particularly evil party, but everyone seems afraid to vote them in because no-one can be that good all the time. What if the time when they snap is the one time that they actually have the power to have a say? As the saying goes, “Better the darlings you love, than letting them into you r house for the night”.

I hope that this helps you to make up you r mind about which party least deserves you r vote. It doesn’t really matter though, because things like the coalition takes all the power out of you r hands anyway.

Happy voting!

7 Comments more...

How to be a skeptic

by on Jun.17, 2010, under Hello, My skepticisim isn't the slightest bit dogmatic - how dare you, Skeptic logic is infallible

I like to think of myself as a skeptic. It’s fun, it’s easy, and you get to feel morally superior to “believers”. There is one simple rule to being a skeptic: “If you haven’t seen it yourself, it doesn’t exist“.

There’s no need to pick you r battles here. If you haven’t seen it yourself, then one simply can’t prove it to be true. No amount of evidence is sufficient to sway you r opinion unless you want it to be swayed, because you can simply use you r powers of skepticism to refute the evidence.

This has especially been helped by the brand new “information age” that we are living in. Now with easy access to video and image editing software, we can say with safety that almost any evidence could be CGI, or Photoshopped. What a boon to the art of skepticism this has been, we will never know, because frankly I haven’t seen those statistics; they’re probably faked, anyway.

So how can we skeptics, atheists, and free thinkers show how much it means to us to be able to use logic to go with a gut feeling? Why of course we get together in groups, and deliberately attempt to goad “believers” into arguments, which we can quickly shut down by claiming a lack of evidence. They may try to tell you that they have faith, that their own gut instinct is that they are correct, but you can easily refute this by informing them that they are simply being dogmatic and refusing to listen to other opinions.

Perhaps you can quote Richard Dawkins at them, and then tell them that they are obviously deluded for following what they read in a book. The possibilities are really endless here, as they have no acceptable way to prove their claims. You can easily tear down everything they believe in, then berate them for being close minded.

Always try to remember that proof is only as good as the person who gathered it, and as no-one else can be trusted to properly gather evidence for you, you simply get to decide that which you do (and don’t) believe in. Smart skeptics can actually believe in unprovable things, merely by refuting everyone’s evidence to the contrary as unreliable. It is common for skeptics to happily denounce such childish ideas as religion, psychics, crop circles, and ghosts; only to tout their belief in aliens, extra sensory powers, invisible pink unicorns, and flying spaghetti monsters.

This is entirely allowable, even encouraged, in modern skepticism. If you have no beliefs, you are a nihilist, and everyone knows that they are crazy. Beliefs that cannot be proven are all plausible to you, as you live in an infinite universe, where it’s possible that such a thing may exist. At this point it should be remembered that you r personal belief is entirely unquestionable, as you are a skeptic; you have obviously thought this over, and come to you r answer with reason.

I love being a skeptic, and you should to; everyone who doesn’t believe the same as me must be taught the correct way to think. Believe as I do, and free yourself from dogma forever.

6 Comments more...

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